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The Language of Tears

This is a book about passion in human experience. It is a study of excruciating pain, as well as exquisite rapture. There are tears of agony, grief, sadness, despondency, hopelessness, of relief, exhilaration, and ecstacy. What is the meaning of this language? What are tears for? How did they evolve? How are tears interpreted in various cultures, and throughout history? How are men and women, children and adults, unique in the ways they cry? Why do some people cry so easily and others do not? When is crying therapeutic and when does it become self-destructive? What is the best way to respond to someone who is crying? And perhaps most important of all: what do tears tell us about the essence of our own human nature?

These are but a few of the questions that prompted this study of crying. Based on research conducted during the past twelve years, this book brings together the sparse literature on the subject from across all disciplines-- from opthamology and neurology to anthropology and social psychology, from fiction and film studies to social work and counseling.

This book will broaden your understanding. This moment, or any other, you can access instantly your tearful memories, whether they were joyful or agonizing. There is not a person alive who has not wondered about the meaning of tears, what they say about who we are. There is also tremendous embarrassment that people feel about crying, that it is evidence of weakness or mental illness, just as others feel uncomfortable because they can't cry no matter how hard they try.

Tears represent a metaphor for human feeling. Thousands of songs have been composed about them; most every movie worth remembering is one that stimulated tears flowing. Yet in spite of the fascination with this subject, very few people understand their own tears, much less those of others they are close to.

This book will move you emotionally. Although The Language of Tears is full of interesting information, research, and concepts, its tone and author's voice is distinctly personal. Anecdotes are included that are moving, even heart wrenching in their vivid descriptions. In this book, I model what I wish you to do by revealing my own struggles in a transparent, authentic way. Further, I will speak directly to you, the reader, challenging you to look deeply at your own tearful behavior as a way to understand the phenomenon on a larger scale. The goal of this book is no less than to move you to tears.

This book will change your life. Weaving together the conceptual and practical dimensions of crying, it is not enough simply to understand this complex phenomenon, nor is it sufficient to feel impacted by the messages contained therein. The structure of the book, as well as its style, is designed for you to take action in your life, to confront "emotional constipation" or its counterpart of helplessness, to initiate changes in the ways you relate to others, and yourself.

The language of tears is a subject I know so much about, yet so little have I truly understood. In the pages that follow, you will enter the lives of many individuals who describe their tearful experiences. You will learn much of what there is to know about this mystery of human behavior. You will also have the opportunity to look inward, to examine the particular meaning that tears have had for you during your life. Finally, you will come to terms with the language of your own tears, as well as gain a better grasp of what others have been trying to communicate to you for a long time.